lol not sorry

Hey sometimes I feel really ugly and gross and like I'm not worth anything.

No, that's not true Thalia

lol I know April Fools, I'm fucking bomb-ass looking perfection.

Hello Fellow Brain

So this morning I was in the shower (TMI) and got inspired to write a blog post (Holy crap, that never happens!)
I was thinking about how worked up people get about the smallest little things that people should find easy to get over. I, as a specimen, am a primary example of this.

To start I'd like to notify you about the common misconception that there is a skeleton inside you. No, there is not a skeleton inside you. There is a skeleton around you. You are a brain-A brain that won't calm down. And as amazing and intelligent as you are brain, you are also a ginormous, gaping black hole of shit.

Recently, I was getting myself in a fuss about regarding socialising (Ahh a painful topic). Now one thing, I hate about myself is that big groups of people make me nervous and having to socialise with people I do not know very well or do not have a lot in common with... that's really not my forte'. SIDENOTE: I'm working on it.
So anwyays, I had to break plans I had with someone as I was seldom comfortable in the presence of their friends as I'd probably talk about how dramatic the change was from Wartortle evolving into Blastoise (Pokémon) or the terrors of tentacle porn or how cool it is that dinosaur bones are dug up and rearranged exactly like they were when they were in the dinosaur (Oh sorry, AROUND the dinosaur). So long story short, I didn't really fit in and got myself into a zigzag of emotion thinking:

"Oh my God, They're not going to understand how much it worries me to do this. They're gonna bitch about me behind my back. They're going to think I'm pathetic. I'm going to let them down.Oh no. What if-"

Now I'm going to stop you there friend. C H I L L.

What I do when I get worried in situations like this, is I walk to a mirror. Look myself in the eye. And talk to myself about the situation and what you can do to make everyone happy. If you can't make everyone happy, you have to decide whether it's more important that OTHERS are happier in this situation or if YOU are happier in this situation. I feel like this is a good way to get to know yourself.

In my case, I decided it was more important that I was happier in this situation. I realised that trying to face my fears by being stuck in a room with a bunch of people that make me uncomfortable isn't going to do shit for me (the brain) . I understand that the constant fear of nobody understanding is sharp and piercing and how much your mind can get away with thoughts that make you feel crap. You just have to abolish them and make a decision; do this even if it means you have to disappoint someone. Don't let it confine or define you. Or let it make you feel bad once you've made your decision. Your mental condition is a LOT  more important than someone's temporary satisfaction, and I cannot stress that point enough.

Cynicism

I decided to take a moment of my own sorrowful self-pity as an opportunity to inform anybody who may be reading this, one of the reasons why I am a terrible human life form.

Essentially, according to the internet Cynicism is an attitude or state of mind characterized by a general distrust of others' motives believing that humans are selfish by nature, ruled by emotion, and heavily influenced by the same primitive instincts that helped humans survive in the wild before agriculture and civilization became established...... I still have to decide whether this definition is either indubitably broad or undoubtedly vague.

My personal translation: I hate people. They're so stupid. Including me. Kill me. lol jk

Now, I've already been through it in my head and decided that I am not going to get many pageviews for any of my blogposts as it's just going to be me complaining about life (and occasional doses of random positivity and confidence I get now and then) like the Unsettled, Emotionally-unstable twatsicle I am. But this. This is a whole new level. DONT GET ME WRONG IM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS.

*Insert extremely generic meme about sittin' yo ass down cos Imma tell you a story*
Time for an anecdote. I have a brother. He is 9. He has a... um, reputation for releasing words of stupidity and irrelevance out of his mouth, which I'm assuming are just blatent word vomit as he does not seem to have a filter between his mouth and his brain. I, on the other hand, have a reputation of pulling a certain facial expression after he says said thing. He describes it as "that face you do when I do something stupid and you look really annoyed but like you're about to laugh".... Which happens to be the most accurate description I have ever heard of anything ever.

 I am both completely amused by the ridiculousness of his comment, yet really irritated that he is not funnier and is not as well spoken as I'd hope. Anyone can fall victim of Cynicism I suppose. Everyone has that one thing that makes them tick. Whether it be someone saying something you find stupid all the way to the presence of a certain person that annoys you.
But let me tell you something, it is HELL. It makes you annoyed at every single tiny thing and may even make you want to isolate yourself from humanity and never go outside (never do that, it's not a good idea). To make it worse, you blame the whole entire world for YOUR OWN problems. And drives you to believe you are a horrible person... which is true. You are a horrible person. And it's so hard to escape.

What we really should be doing is accepting that people are different with completely original views, opinions and speech. If we get even slightly peeved by someone saying something that we 100% do not agree with and think is embarrassingly stupid for multiple reasons, we should just be kind and respectful and calm and find comfort in the fact that if we don't want to, we do not have to socialize with them in any way, but still being friendly- no matter how insanely annoying the person is. We should be silently enduring it and be listening to said stupid person intently with wide eyes whilst smiling and speaking through our gritted teeth. Moral of the story: Try to be nice kids, even if it crushes your soul inside.

Is there anyone who actually agrees with me and relates to my pain? Or am I alone with my bitterness? Hahahaha... This was painful to write.

Girl Online by Zoe Sugg- Book Review

Drawing the end of 2014, I set myself the anticipated goal of reading more books-even if it was just reading all of the Harry Potters again.

As I am a fan of Zoella on YouTube, I decided to have a go at her new book "Girl Online" which has had both good and bad reviews from various websites, papers and fans of Zoe. There has also been rumours of "scandals" that her book was ghostwritten and conflict online between certain YouTube users and YouTube watchers about different opinions on Zoe's work. But I simply wanted to see if kicking off my reading pattern by reading Girl Online was the way forward.

Nobody has focused on the contents of the novel while debating this book which is honestly typical because of shitty people on the internet judging a book by it's cover; and when I say cover, I mean the girl who wrote it, not the actual novel. 

*SIDENOTE:EVEN THOUGH I AM A FAN OF ZOE'S, I AM DEFINATELY NOT BIASED IN ANY WAY*

Girl Online: Worth reading?

I confess that without a doubt my favourite part of the book is when the main Character "Penny" arrives in New York and is first seeing and appreciating the sights and sounds consuming her. Zoe illustrates a beautifully detailed image into your head of what's going on around Penny using a very undeniable vocabulary which gives the reader a clear idea of what the main character is all about and where Zoe is wanting to go with the story. Although, in other parts of the book, description is bland and there is a lot of noticeable word-repeating which to some is not an issue if they like things short and sweet, but to others can only be seen as sloppy and fast-paced. I appreciate that it is a very long fourty-four chapter book without adding long bits of extra detail but it makes the book less high quality standard, especially as this book knocked J.K Rowling off the podium of highest selling book. Personally, I think that is slightly ridiculous as J.K started off at the bottom, suddenly becoming well-known for writing a series of perfectly astounding books that changed the course of history, whereas Zoe already had 6 million fans before which I am sure helped her out a lot regarding sales.

Books should be written and sold by originality and creativity, not by Vogue shoots and makeup lines.

Honestly, I was unpleasantly surprised when I discovered the plot and events that happen in the book. I did not think there would be a total lack of uniqueness. I feel that Zoe must've got lost somewhere in the Literature Galaxy. While she was up there in her Space boots, she COMPLETELY missed the colourful Milkyway of creativity and accidentally slipped down into the ravenous, black, voidy abyss of sales. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel like Zoe was writing this book more for the money and sense of pride than she was for her recurring dream of writing a book-although I could be wrong. The story was entertaining yet filled with awkward clichés and things that have been done before. The story is quite bland in a way that only extremely annoying, Pop culture-obsessed 12 year olds could fully be satisfied with. The storyline is very basic and predictabut it is good if you like that sort of thing.

Penny (the main character) seems quite boring and her life:flavourless and flaw-free. Though I did very much enjoy her back story and the way it is brought back throughout the story very subtly and gracefully. It is not ambiguous that Zoe truly has a way with words and is really talented at using her wide range of vocabulary to make sentences sound appealing.

Zoe also uses a homosexual character in her writing which is refreshing as many authors of teen books would not make on of their characters gay as not to "jeopradise" their sales. This shows that Zoe is an accepting author who did not stick to the cliché.

Unfotunately, there is a very clearly obvious spelling/grammar mistake in the one of the early chapters of the novel that is (of course) seen as an open invitation to terrorise Zoe more about her work. More "proof reading" was definitely needed... and some more efficient publishers would be satisfactory too. Oops.

Overall, Girl Online is pretty pleasant, easy and cough cringily heartwarming to read. And yes, it is one of those books you could read for hours on end if your brain goes in to relaxation mode and you are not feeling like you have the mental power to read some depressing French novel trilogy that will send you straight into an anxiety-triggering existential crisis. It's perfect for the age group of people she way aiming for and I did enjoy it. Very much so. But to be perfectly clear... you should not read this if you are a over-analysing, cynical twat like me who does not have a cheesy, soppy or even merely romantic bone in your body. Yep.